Once upon a time, someone was sharing their life story with me, and it put a few things into perspective for me. This person had shared with me death, tragedy, and suffering in their life that I luckily hadn’t had to experience. They ended their sad tale by asking me, “What have you ever been through?”. There was so much darkness that filled this person’s heart and life that they probably had a skewed view of my life when they asked me that question.
From the outside I am a pretty put together person. I will smile through most things, put my best foot forward and trudge ahead. What’s that saying? “Put some lipstick on and handle it!”. Pretty much my life, except with mascara and dry shampoo..
A lot of times we look at people on the outside and see a lot put togetherness. We see the dream job, the nice apartment, the perfect outfit, the pretty stuff, the beautiful family, the good attitude of a person, and we think they have it all together. We are envious of their perfect lives. We meet people and compare our pains and either we think we have it better, or we think poor them they had it worse. This was the game this person was playing with me. Because my suffering wasn’t evident. My parents didn’t get divorced. I didn’t have an influential figure in my life pass away. I was never homeless. I never had a substance abuse problem. I looked “together”. That meant I must never know pain or need in my life. Boy was this person wrong. My need has and will always be Jesus. We look at people and see “full” on the outside, but what we all really need to notice is how “empty” they may be on the inside.
Reflecting the past few weeks on the upcoming Easter holiday has brought some new details leading up to the resurrection story that I never really noticed before about the disciples. I knew that these followers of Jesus were a motley crew, but I never put much stock into how they followed Jesus and looked together on the outside, but rather how they were still lacking on the inside.
One, being Judas Iscariot. I read something that said, “Jesus knew, but Judas ate too”. It is in reference to Matthew 26.17-30, where the disciples are having their last Passover meal with Jesus, and he tells them that one of the “chosen 12” will betray him. They said one after the other, “Surely not I, Lord” (Matt 26. 22). Judas, the grubby-fingered money keeper, also replied “Surely not I, Rabbi?” (Matt 26.25). Jesus replied, “Yes, it is you.” Still then, Jesus gave all of them the bread, symbolizing his body that was going to be broken, and the cup to drink, symbolizing his blood that was going to be spilled. Jesus said in verse 28, “This is my blood of the covenant , which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.” Jesus didn’t exclude any of them, even the betrayer, liars, or thieves.They all got to drink and eat.
To be honest with you, I can’t even comprehend why some of these dudes even had a seat at the table to begin with. Judas was the “money keeper” of the twelve disciples, yet he used to help himself to what was put into the money bag (John 12.6). Stealing from Jesus...SMH. As if that wasn’t bad enough, in Matthew 26.14-16, Judas came to the chief priests and asked what they would give him if he turned Jesus over to them. He sold our Lord Jesus out for thirty pieces of silver. He waits for an opportunity, giving up Jesus’ position at the garden of Gethsemane, leading soldiers, an angry crowd, chief priests, and Pharisees to make their arrest (John 18.2-3, Matthew 26.47-56). He made a deal with the chief priests, BEFORE Jesus’ last supper with the disciples, and he still sat at that table with enough gall to say, “Who me, Jesus?”. What a slap in the face.
Then there was Peter, who denies knowing Jesus not only once, but THREE TIMES after Jesus is arrested. Three times he is recognized by people as a follower of Jesus (Matthew 26.69-73), and he denies it. Every. Time. But Jesus knew about him too at the Last Supper. Jesus tells Peter, “This very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times” (Matthew 26.34). Sure enough after Jesus’ arrest, he denied knowing him after loving and spending so much time with him.
Finally, there was Thomas who doubted that Jesus was even himself upon being resurrected (John 20.24). Apparently this is why they call him “Doubting Thomas”. Jesus came to the disciples after he rose from the dead, but Thomas was not with them. When they tell Thomas the good news of Jesus’ Resurrection he replies with, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe” (John 20.25). So a week later Jesus comes to them and BAM! Jesus appears to him and gives him that opportunity. “Here you go Thomas, do you believe now?” (John 20.26-29). He had to see it with his own eyes and feel it with his own hands, even after all the miracles Jesus had performed in front of him before. He knew of his power, but didn’t have the faith he could be resurrected without tangible proof.
I think to myself, “You lot are a piece of work!”. Yet how often are we just like them. We doubt God, until he shows us something. Jesus had performed miracle upon miracle to these guys, and they still seemed to have such rocky faith, and still didn’t live lives entirely reflecting Jesus. Jesus resurrected Lazarus, a dead man (John 11.43-44). DEAD. Jesus fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish (John 6.11). He walked on water during a storm (John 6.19). He healed a blind man (John 9.11-13). He healed a deaf and mute man (Mark 7.34-35). I mean time after time he showed his disciples and the people his wonder, but there was still doubt. How often does God show up and show out in our lives, and how quickly do we forget?
Just six days before Jesus’ death, he was trotting into Bethany on a colt and people were praising him! So excited he had come. In Zechariah 9, it prophesied about a king that was going to come to the Jews, riding on a colt, ruling, and overthrowing their enemies. What they got, was Jesus. A Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9.6). By the end of the week, they were shouting cries for his crucifixion when he didn’t meet their expectations of a king. So, the Pharisees plotted to kill Jesus. They were worried that the more people that followed Jesus because of his miracles, the more opportunity the people may have to rebel against the Romans and the Pharisees themselves. The Pharisees would lose their power in the temple and be dispersed from their homelands if it came to a rebellion (John 11.45-57). If the people, ALL the people, believed in Jesus and his grace that saved them, what need would they have for the law and the teachings of the Pharisees in the temple? They wouldn't. Even the Pharisees and leaders that began to believe in Jesus would not admit it for fear of losing their positions. “But because of the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the praise from men more than the praise of God” (John 12.42-43). They couldn’t kill Jesus themselves, because they didn’t wish to lose their popularity with the Jewish people, so they presented him to the Roman governor, Pilate. Because of the anger and protests of the Jewish people, Pilate exchanged Barabbas’ freedom for the death of Jesus. (John 18.28-40). Jesus, who committed no crime, was exchanged for a murderer. He was crucified among thieves, a crown of thorns on his head, nailed to a cross, for the sins of the world (John 19.18). All of the sin. All of the people.
I read over these verses about all these different individuals: Jews, Pharisees, disciples, and judge them thinking I would never do the things they did. I would never doubt Jesus. I would never say I didn’t know him. I would never be ashamed of my beliefs. I would never live in a way that did not glorify Christ. But when I look back at my life and my “togetherness”, I haven’t always lived a life for Jesus either. Maybe from the outside. I went to church, volunteered, did mission trips, didn’t party, or wear inappropriate clothes, but my heart was a mess. I wasn’t living for Jesus. There were times where I was doubting him. Where I didn’t see his miracles. Where I “loved the praise of men more than the praise of God”. Shoot. I am just like these disciples. And you probably are too. When Jesus isn’t doing and being what we want or expect, how often are we ready to take back the reins of our lives and fight for ourselves. Save our own skin, per say? Just like the disciples, Jews, and Pharisees.
So when someone asks me “What have you been through?”, I want you to realize what’s more important is what I didn’t have to go through because of what was done for me. We focus on the pain and disappointment in our lives and others, the abuse, or failed expectations so much that we often forget the BEST was already given to us. We want to play a game with people to see who suffered the most in life, yet no matter what we suffer in this life it is nothing compared to what we didn’t have to suffer because of Jesus. Paul writes from prison, “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ -- the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith” (Philippians 3.7-9). The disciples were not the most qualified crew, but Jesus believed in them, and had hope for what they could become, and what they would do for God’s kingdom even after his death. Jesus prays for his disciples before his death: “I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours” (John 17.9), “...protect them by the power of your name--the name you gave me-- so that they may be one as we are one” (John 17.11). Jesus had hope for what we can become. That is why he died for us. “But God demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5.8). Know that even the closest to Jesus made mistakes, and they didn’t always believe fully who he was. We are not perfect people, and God doesn’t expect us to be. We couldn’t pay the sacrifice for our own sins by the law, and Jesus came in and gave us grace instead of suffering. He took it upon himself so we didn’t have to. Regardless of whatever your, “What have you been through?” is, know that it will never be as prominent as what has been done for you. Jesus came to pay a debt he didn’t owe, for a price you couldn’t pay, all because of his love for us, so you could spend eternity with him in heaven.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3.16-17
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